I have multiple "To Do" lists. They are daunting. Especially on Easter- eve. I've begun to shy away from holidays, and had been basking in the glory of the "holiday season" being over. I've also come to the conclusion that my (roughly) year and a half of complete hell came to a close at the start of this semester. Finally. The undertow let go.
My show is coming, quickly. My sketch comedy show. Monday marks the beginning of hell week. I still love theater, but Quinnipiac helped destroy it for me a little bit. I don't know exactly how much I love it any more...at least directing. Quinnipiac has taught me that I may or may not be a huge fan of the directing process. But then again, who the the hell actually learns about the directing process at Quinnipiac University? Right.
The "injuries" of the past year are so are sometimes apparent. Damaged trust, scary dreams, avoidance of home. I love my immediate family but have little patience for them at times. I miss my mom. A psychic-medium came to my school said my Mom was standing behind her, twisting her tongue. Clearly, I can't tell if this psychic is real or not, but it seemed like something my Mom might do. I don't know. I'd like to see a medium again though. This psychic had a lot to say. She had me choose 10 cards. Right in the middle those I chose...she flips over one and says "So...a broken heart. What's that about?" Oh my. Deep shakey breath in.
I feel like a workaholic. Like a few people I went to high school with, and their parents. I always thought to myself "I will never be like that." I feel "like that" lately. Only problem being that I am so caught up in the present that I have little time to think about the FUTURE...which is quickly, QUICKLY approaching. I almost have a bachelor's degree. It feels unreal. 4 years already? Really? And certainly no plans yet for after graduation. Certainly not. It makes me feel ill.
I want to bake, but I really do not have time. I will next week. Promise to self. When show is over, I will bake. Chocolate chip cookies. I need some comfort.
It's raining, and I can hear it hitting the house. I have tentative plans for later tonight, but I'm not looking forward to leaving a house. Although I might feel differently once I'm home. I don't know if the weather should be such a deciding factor in making or breaking my mood.
I have props that need making and modifications. Some of which I need Mary's glue gun for.
I slept until 11:15 today. That's the latest I've slept in... months. It felt like I was breaking the rules. I keep occasionally mistaking the rain noises for people moving around outside noises. It's creepy. This house makes creepy noises.
I have a project due in my creative non-fiction class on Thursday that I really should get done today. I have to draw a comic. Not thrilled. Too time consuming.
I'm in kind of a somber mood. Eh. Not the best time to write after not writing in months. I'll write something happy and inspiring after Tomatoes is over and I can get the rush of being on stage and donating a good chunk of change to a good cause.
