Far Away, Far Away, I Want To Go Far Away

Challenges keep arising. Optimistic happy people call them challenges, instead of "bullshit" I suppose. Bright and shiny.

I don't feel bright and shiny any more. It's definitely still there, but I'm fighting hard for it. I'm stressed out and lonely- and sad. But whatever. Not like I haven't been through worse I guess, but it was different. Much different.

Psycho Dragon Bitch has reared her ugly head. Hates me for taking my vacation as a vacation and is entirely fucking irrational. It's all about her. SHE doesn't like that I choose to sit on my ass. Fuck her. Seriously. Her chance is fucking done. I mean, it has been since last March. But who the fuck says to their new husband "It's her or me!" Get a fucking grip on reality, it's the house I grew up in, it's MY family, I'm not a 35 year old crack dealer that still lives at home! I love being made to feel guilty for existing. Fucking bitch would love to see my father drop me completely just before my finaly semester of college, wouldn't she? It's for my own good, right? Which is why she makes such a big fucking deal out of it that it threatens HER marriage? Right. It's all for my own good. Yes, that's all she's thinking about- my best interests. Not her controlling-psychopath issues, or her childhood, or how her circumstances were in raising her daughters- right? None of those HUGE ELEPHANT issues have anything to do with the current challenges. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

I pulled an Izzie Stevens yesterday and baked 3.5 dozen cookies and will do the same today. Only Izzie does muffins. Izzie also does it only for theraputic reasons, and I was doing it because of the cookie swap tomorrow. As if I have time for it, but whatever. I need to get something theraputic somewhere. Writing English papers is not theraputic. Baking is! Beating up dough with a rolling pin= theraputic.

Anyway, was thinking once again at how it's so damn typical, and I am unwilling to accept typical. Like I guess I could have predicted it all, my 11th grade religion teacher basically did predict it all. You know, it's what people do, it's how love works. I guess I just get confused because I wasn't that girl. Whatever. I just don't know what to do, entirely.