But I Don't Say A Lot of Things...

...and you, my love, are gone

Break is quickly wrapping up. I'm sitting here pondering the beginning of a new semester, and getting overwhelmed. Not that I haven't done it before... but it's so overwhelming. Neither work nor internship has confirmed my hours for next semester, and that is stressful because I also have meetings that need to be scheduled around them. I was hoping this would be taken care of by now, as I've been in contact with both coordinators throughout most of break. Whatever. I love SPB, but it absorbs much of my time. There also happens to be a lot of guilt tripping within the executive board. Which irritates the hell out of me, because we're all good people, and if we aren't showing up somewhere or doing something it's truly because we can't, and not because we do not want to. Sigh. Back to the grind veeeerry soon.

It's cold. So, so cold. Arctic temperatures cold. Go outside for 10 minutes and your flesh freezes cold. My house is cold, it's so drafty. I hate the dog. I hate that my dad picks up my perscription for me and has to hide it, because if she finds out that he did something for me she'll start shit with him. I hate that people change so much, and so extremely. They fuck you over, and yet you still care. Hold out hope for something...but what exactly? You know. I sit here in desperation, have a good reason to leave the house, well, kind of a good reason... and then...wait I have to reconsider because I know I stand a chance of becoming, well, absolutely completely upset. Lose-Lose situations I create for myself over and over, but others definitely contribute. Definitely.
HOWEVER, I have the power to stop it all. Right? I do. But the pain...
I understand why people swear to never do it to themselves again. Giving another person the power to destroy you again is scary when you've had it happen once before.

Whatever. Lose-Lose. Love-Lose. Love-Risk. However you choose to look at anything.


Maybe I need to bake a lot more. Baking is therapy.
Or maybe I should channel all my frustration into exercise. Now there's a thought.