And you give, and you give, and you give yourself away

...Nothing to win, and nothing left to lose...

I thought I'd have so many thoughts to wrangle and post here, but really, there's nothing left to say, except a few stray thoughts.

You love until you don't, you try until you can't.

Potential isn't enough.

Compassion and understanding will be the death of me.

I loved fully and with all of me, and I believe that's all we can do.

I expect the truth, and only the truth, and honesty, and he couldn't or wouldn't give that to me.

I believe in second chances, and third, and maybe even fourth, but at some point, you have to move on. Forgiveness is important, but at some point you have to protect yourself. Ignorance is not an excuse, but perhaps worse is having the insight and making no effort to correct what's wrong.

I don't know if you ever wanted to change. I don't know if you have the strength to do it.

I have no ill will, no bad wishes. I want only the best for him. I want him to get better. Be the best man he can be. Someday he'll find the right person for him, but I guess that isn't me. I don't type those words with ease.

Just because you are strong enough to withstand being mistreated in some way, doesn't mean that it was ever right. Just because I was strong enough to stand for 2 people, doesn't mean that I should've been. I knew that all along. I don't know why I tried to save him so hard. In the end, no one can save anyone except for themselves. He didn't want to be saved, he just wanted to lean. I'm tired of being used like a drug. I guess that never really stopped.

Self-control, morals and values are all things I have, and that I am very, very good with. I always have been, it is a built in part of my personality. I am cautious, and I want to do the right thing. I need someone else who believes these things. It doesn't mean I never make mistakes, or that I am never wrong, or that I can never tolerate mistakes in others. However, I believe in consistency, and that values should be followed. They should be strong within yourself at this age. No one should have to tell you right from wrong and you shouldn't have to be babysat.

Perhaps most importantly...
I need no one's pity. I don't want it. Most of all, I don't want it from someone who I care about so deeply who I pour myself into like that. I don't want your pity. That's so incredibly offensive. I don't want to be protected. Fuck you for trying to protect me from the truth.