Dream

It's 9:01 AM, and normally I would not be awake. But I just had a dream that was so intense, the kind that makes you inclined to not want to go back to sleep. Of course I now need to write it all down...

The first thing I remember is standing outside a hospital room in the hallway. Or something to that effect...this part is getting blurry already. I know that my dad and brother were with me. We go into the hospital room and my mom is in there, she's as sick as she was before she died. Only, she's on a ventilator, but apparently the ventilator is magical, because it controls her breathing and everything, but she is conscious, and can "talk" as she would've "talked" in real life. Also, it is not in her mouth. There's just a machine nearby that controls her breathing some how. The story here, as well as I can remember, is that I was at college for a long span like I always am, and someone made the super-bright decision of not telling me that my mom was in the hospital. I had no idea how long she'd actually been there or anything. The reason I was now brought there was because it was time for her to leave. It was time to turn the ventilator off and let her go. I was so angry walking in because no one had told me she was here, and now I had to say goodbye, and it would never be enough. I was fairly calm at the beginning, just angry. So I walk in and see her in the bed. Her blue eyes follow me. [ I rarely dream about my mother, so when I do, it's usually quite stirring] I sit down next to her bed [similarly to how I used to do this next to the wheel chair] and start talking to her. I don't really remember what was said, I just remember the feelings. I know we were communicating, and I felt a lot of understanding passing between us.
I know she was aware of what was going on, but she didn't let it overwhelm her. The one thing I do remember her "telling" me was that Brooke and Amanda [my childhood friends/neighbors] had called her and talked to her and it made her so so so happy. I took a little break from Mom, and I walked out into the hallway again. At this point I overhear the doctor explaining to my Dad what is going to happen..."First, we'll just slow down the breathing, and eventually it will stop." Dad nods gravely. I walk away and start crying, hard. I am drawn back to the room, but I cannot stop crying. Dad sees me and says something like "ooooooh, honey." It's notable, though, in the dream he is not equally upset. He is upset, but not to the degree he really would have been. I know I spent a lot of time "talking" to Mom. At some point the doctor comes in, and Mom and I are alone. He does something to the "ventilator" and her breathing slows, and she becomes unconscious. I start crying again, and while I was alone with her in the room, I know that my Dad wants to leave immediately. So we leave before she has passed.
Back at home, for some reason, I seem to have walked up the hill to my house instead of accepting the ride up it. I emerge across the street from my house, between the 2 houses, and Amanda is there. She's trying to comfort me, and telling me to talked to my mom earlier in the day, and all this stuff. I tell her what my Mom said about Brooke and her calling, how it was one of the happiest things that had happened to her. As I grow more and more upset, Amanda leaves and I guess I went into the house. I go into my parents room and lay on the bed [It still looked like their actual room] I fell asleep briefly, when I awoke, Mary was in the room. She's doing something at the foot of the bed, and she has to keep going back into my Mom's closet [that I somehow truly know is Mary's] I figure out she's wrapping gifts. She keeps going back into the closet to grab things. I don't think she was aware of me there. As I watch her I start getting really, really angry in my head. I'm mentally yelling at her, "WHY ARE YOU HERE?!? SHE WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU!! SHE WAS SO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU!! WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?!??!!" The crying freaking continues, and I am magically upstairs. I'm trying to find my cell phone in my messy room because I want to call Erick so badly. I remember that I have the wrong number programmed into my phone, and have to search around for the new one. I'm crying really hard at this point.... and then my conscious mind started to pull at the dream, because I remember thinking "it isn't fair to compare her to your mother, it really isn't fair, they are 2 different people, it's not right to compare them."......

and now I'm awake. I think I know a lot of what contributed to the dream.
:-(