Grown-Ups Lie

I spent the last 3 nights at Erick's house, which is why I've been so M.I.A. on the internet. I like disappearing for a few days at a time. It used to make me feel upset and disconnected, but I guess part of me realizes it's necessary for my sanity.

Last night Erick took me on a date! Which is always pretty historic. We went to Panera for dinner and went to see Hancock. The movie had a cool concept that I really liked, but was ultimately full of huge plot holes and had a rushed ending. I thought Will Smith did a good job though, the character he played was atypical for him.

I feel very antsy. In almost that good-energetic-I-want-to-exercise way. On Monday, Kevin, Nessa and I (no, Erick didn't want to go) went to a "beach" in New London. It was complete with a 1/2 mile "boardwalk," crappy beach food, a pool, waterslides, and an apparently overrated carnival. I spent too much money for what it was, but it was really really nice to stop sitting around doing nothing or watching TV. It sucked that Erick didn't go, but I had a good time with Kevin and Nessa anyway. The experience was tiring, however, it was a lot of physical activity for me for one day, and so that antsy-jumpy feeling I have now is my body saying "LET'S KEEP EXERCISING!!!"....alas I am apparently too lazy. At least for the moment.

The drama from my previous entry cleared up that night. Good friends are very understanding.

I have a lot of "feelings" stuff to write about. Erick was having a job interview at a grocery store and I was nextdoor in a Pharmacy waiting for him (too hot to sit in a car with a/c that doesn't work) and I was entertaining myself by reading greeting cards. The wedding ones caught my eye, and my physical reaction was slumping over and almost getting teary... I have to keep acting like I'm ok with it. However, I know deep down: I am not. I'm "acting" ok to protect myself, and to protect my father and possibly even my brother. My reaction to the cards just revealed how upset it truly makes me...not matter how much I rationalize it, or "accept" it, or what have you. Blah. Being a grown-up sucks in that way. We have to lie sometimes about our gut instincts or about our feelings.

I suppose that's another entry. I have a lot of feelings. I realize that these past months for me, December to about May, were some of the worst of my life. I refuse to let senior year be like that.