It's Cute How You Try, to Rebuild Your Life

It's amazing how much can change in one week.

I guess in retrospect, it really wasn't actually all that much change. It was exactly what I knew would happen, exactly what I was protecting myself against. Duh.

However, the small part of my guard that was beginning to be let down has been set back up. I don't enjoy living like this, but my nature keeps getting taken advatage of in huge ways. I give the tiniest bit of myself, and oh, look, there it is being trampled on. Awesome.

It's sad to be sad all over again. It's a smaller sadness. Maybe it's more disappointment. I'm so giving up on all this "benefit of the doubt" bullshit. Maybe I should stop that...

Besides, it shouldn't be so effortless to lie to me. It's sad. No conscience, no values, no respect- clearly it's all about only one person, and it isn't me! You would think that after so long...and after so much of me setting the example of what the proper behavior is, that it would become obvious.

Guess not.


Some teacher once told me that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Food for thought. Certainly makes me feel like a dumbass.

No more "benefit of the doubt." No more sympathy.
We do it to ourselves....we create our own consequences. It just keeps coming up.
Noooo sympathy.


I believe in karma.
Oh, do I believe in karma.


Only a matter of time before the denial floats away. This is my newest prediciton and gut feeling. Let's see if my logic works out this time.

Can't stop holding out that small bit of hope that I'm just wrong and crazy....but it hasn't been the pattern :-(