There's a desperate cling coming from both of us. Cling to the comfort, cling to the past.
I fight it now, because everything has fallen into question: everything that I thought I knew.
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
Fools in love.
I just had a good weekend, seriously. Got to see Megan and Nessa :). Drove to Bristol and didn't get lost. Saw a fun play, baked brownies, Grey's Anatomy!, and took some awesome photos that I can't wait to see. Purely good times. However, weird to be in the house. Trying to separate intertwined pieces. Noticing how the light slants differently against the back doorstep (because of the season change), and how it's weird for the house to feel cold and it not being caused by the ridiculously low-set a/c. Weird that I sent 3/4 of my summer there and I went back and everything about me seems to have changed....things have changed dramatically since I was last there. Such a weird feeling. So surreal and sad. So different.
Things are different.
I don't know anything. I don't trust anything.
It's good to realize certain things are in the past where they belong. But I'm scared out of my mind because I still care, despite all logic. Part of me still believes in a little piece of something. But that's so dangerous. Because I already wasted time waiting around, and in the end I got screwed.
I don't understand what's to hard about doing what's good and right- doing things not JUST because they feel good, but because they are right. Honesty, trust, hope.
I didn't sleep much last night, so my blabber is off.
Big huge holes, man.
Emotional and academic holes.
Trying to deal with the academic ones now.
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