No More Pressure

It's not fair. It's really not. It's not fair that I'm the way I am and you're the way you are.

It's not fucking fair.

The pressure is now off in ways. I understand that.

Better all around for both, one would say.
You have an uphill battle ahead.
I've already been "abused."
Better for both, better for both.

But knowing the nature of those involved. Knowing myself..... It's just not fair.

And it's projections, but I trust my gut.

God fucking damnit. It's not fucking fair.

Suffering, Suffering, Suffering, Suffering, Suffering, WHA-BAM!, Realization (cue the angelic chorus and light), and then...!
Uphill battle. (I understand that)
It won't work if I'm there. (I understand that. Plus, why should I suffer any more?)


My only gain is to stop being harmed. IT'S NOT FAIR. UGH, I sound like an ass.

My feelings fucking betray me over and over and over and over.
"Don't wait for me"

I won't I won't I won't. Not on purpose anyway. But I still wish that it hadn't been said.
I KNOW there are no guarantees on either end, I understand that. I really do.


BUT EVEN NOW, I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FORCE MYSELF OUT OF LOVE.

I admittedly could be wrong, I really really could be. I could be completely wrong.

God almighty, I AM SCARED OUT OF MY MIND. Scared. out. of. my. mind.

Depressed again, but maybe it's the last time because of this.
And when I hit rock bottom, there's no where to go but back up.