Deconstruction Site

I feel...empty-ish.

Hard to describe. When you spend part of almost every weekend with one person for 5 years... you feel empty without them.

I don't want to see what I have worked so hard to build fall apart

To be perfectly honest, I'm sick of thinking about this. I'm sick of writing about it. I'm sick of the feelings caused by it. Clearly no one wants to be sad a lot of the time, or feel like they're living in a bad dream most of the time. I don't like that if I wake up early I don't want to go back to sleep, because I always dream most deeply when I do that, and I hate dreaming lately. I absolutely avoid dreaming.

Well, I'm the truest true that you ever knew

I was right all along. The pieces of my life stretch far beyond him. In no way am I at a complete loss. I never cut anyone else out. I never stopped being me. I always said that, and I now know I was absolutely right and it's absolutely true. I guess there's some comfort in that. It's good to have yourself to fall back on. Haha, even if there's really not that much room to fall.

I miss everything...



I love fall, but it got kinda cold last night, and I was sooo not enjoying it. Ugh. I want crisp fall days that are sunny. Not this weird cold, humid evening stuff. Bleh.

Last night I could've gone out to dinner with a few e-boarders and Syrus and Brooke from the Real World. I hadn't been feeling great since the afternoon, so I opted out, plus who really wants to eat with 2 people who were on Real World and pretend they know something about politics? Mmm, right.

I haven't hiked yet, and I really miss the mountain. Maybe tomorrow? Depends on if i'm feeling better or not.

Oh, I hate homework. I don't want to do the academic part of school...obviously, I WILL. But I'm sick of it. I hate unclear professors, or crazy professors. I'm tired of trying to please them and work with them. It's so lame- how difficult is it to make a syllabus that you pretty much stick to? Or how difficult is it to have class on a Thursday, and bring the assignment you want finished for next Tuesday with you? Oh wait, I forgot, I don't have a life and am a slave to my e-mail so I can allow for the time to do a damn assignment that you send to me at some point over the weekend. LAME!

I think I'm over English/Lit. classes. They ruin books for me. They are nit-picking ridiculous. Rawr, complain complain complain.

Tonight I have to run my friend's event on campus cuz she's on a retreat with another group. I'm a tad nervous, but luckily one other e-boarder will be around to help. It's "Irish Night" haha, yeaah. I guess we'll see how it goes. Oh yeah, also going Apple Picking with honors this afternoon. Woooo, fruit.

I have much running around to do as well-- and never enough money for it all! It's sooo awesome.