My Chemicals, Left me a Beautiful Disaster...

...still love's all I see

Being strong gets old just like crying does.

I am lonely.

I miss him.

Grief is the heaviest emotion there is. I feel like someone is dead. I guess something is dead.

It's really, really hard to turn someone from what you thought was your best friend to your mortal emotional enemy in your head. It hurts like hell.

And I laugh at myself, as the tears roll down
'Cause it's the world I know,
It's the world I know.

It's really, really hard to watch a huge portion of your life break off and crumble to dust in a little over a month.

Maybe I should hate you for this

I have a cold going. Or my fall allergies are rolling in, not quite sure which it is currently. But yeah, not feeling so hot.

School is....well, school. I'm a bit of a slacker lately. I kind of don't care. I mean, I'm still doing my work and stuff, but yeah, not at all far enough in advance. I have little to no interest in it. My attention span is still fairly limited. I have senioritis. There isn't enough money, ever. I have been more positive, seen the pros, felt the anger, picked up, you know, I know I have to just let it all go. I've been better, but as I've said before, it builds up just to fall. It's going to take a long, long time.

Had dinner with a few tomatoes last night. It made me so so so so happy. Honestly. I love doing all that stuff. I love that it ignited passion in others, and it's for a good cause, and it will probably be my legacy at this school. Thank god I have SOMETHING that makes me happy and excited.

Achoo.

There's nothing better than affairs of the heart,
to make you feel so good, then tear you apart

Katie's getting a cat to live with her in her apartment :) Clearly, this makes me incredibly excited. I wish I had an animal here right now. I want a kitty to cuddle with, and play with.


Scary stuff... being thrown back out into the "dating pool." It doesn't matter, because I have no desire to get close to anyone even remotely. I'm weary of people that go beyond acquaitances. I am scared of being fucked over again. Not that it's even remotely a current concern. Whatever, I blabber about things that hold no importance currently. My patience is gone with anyone who isn't already a close friend.

I need more little packs of tissues to carry around.

I am behind on drama class journal entries. I should do it now. Too bad I just feel like wallowing.